I’ve been talking to Spitfire a lot online in the mornings at work and today got pretty deep into the nitty gritty of relationships and our respective troubles with them. In respect to something we talked about today, I found this excerpt from Holly’s blog particularly insightful and applicable:
I guess what most of these guys are saying is “I’m not getting laid and I see that other people are, so those other people must have some super magical unfair advantage.” Well, sort of, but that advantage is a lot more common than you think, and has a lot less to do with “being a millionaire lawyer with perfect abs” and a lot more to do with “acting like women are people.” As long as women are The Challenge, The Enemy, The Gatekeeper, The Quarry, or any other fucked-up-all-to-hell metaphor, you’re going to keep having trouble with us.
If we’re people, well… no more and no less trouble than any other kind of people, is all I can promise you.
Hopefully he’ll read this. In fact, Spitfire, you really should read more of Holly’s blog. It’s quite awesome and full of sexy times and insight into the minds of the types of women who are actually worth your time. Aka not bitches, but cool geeky chicks. Who like sex. Wait, that’s redundant. Har.
I did, however, find the painful irony and unfortunate bits of me giving advice on relationships to Spitfire: I can’t seem to take my own advice. I can tell him all I want that he can do this or this and that it could help him with women, but I feel like it means almost nothing coming from someone who isn’t in the perfect relationship as it is. Sigh. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with Irish, happier than with any other boyfriends I’ve had, but I’m well aware that the situation could be improved.
Actually, I was working on dealing with some problems and trying to improve our relationship through good, old-fashioned communication, but right at the climax of our chat, AngryGinger arrived for video game playing. So there’s currently a big pause button on the conversation. Hoping it’ll resume when AG leaves tonight.
And it’s nothing against him, but he has the worst timing for these kinds of things. But it’s a bit my own fault, since I knew he was coming over tonight and just couldn’t get up the nerve to talk about things with Irish until the last minute. As per usual.
Well, they’re still playing Marvel vs Capcom 3, so I’m gonna sit here and read my smut.
Tags: bitching, games, Irish, PostAWeek2011, relationships
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Hey, Data.
Great read, as usual. However, I find myself unable to agree with what Holly wrote in that passage. In fact, I’ll even go so far to say, for the most part, that it’s full of crap. I’ll pick it apart, and show you exactly how much.
Holly says: “I guess what most of these guys are saying is “I’m not getting laid and I see that other people are, so those other people must have some super magical unfair advantage.” Well, sort of, but that advantage is a lot more common than you think, and has a lot less to do with “being a millionaire lawyer with perfect abs” ”
I say: This is pretty much true. But the NEXT part of her rant has me shaking my head in all out disagreement.
Holly says: “and a lot more to do with “acting like women are people.” As long as women are The Challenge, The Enemy, The Gatekeeper, The Quarry, or any other fucked-up-all-to-hell metaphor, you’re going to keep having trouble with us.
If we’re people, well… no more and no less trouble than any other kind of people, is all I can promise you.”
I say: Hold the phone there, sweetheart. We (as disadvantaged guys) wouldn’t HAVE to think of the majority of women like this if outlets like Cosmo, Oprah, CNN, and [name your choice source of modern day mainstream media drivel here], not to mention–dare I say–feminist extremism wasn’t programming scores of women into thinking that they were. Not to mention that such an environment that’s nothing-but-hostile toward males programs us (the disadvantaged guys) to think the same thing. Day in and day out, we’re exposed to the lies that “all women are out of our league collectively,” and that if we even have a remote set of standards or expectations of the type of women we want, be it either in looks, personality, or what have you, we’re all the sudden labeled as chauvinist pigs. It’s a lose-lose not just for guys, but for everyone. Though I don’t totally agree with what many PUA’s teach, many of them give guys such as me that extra push, that edge in the war (not game, but WAR) of dating, needlessly made more perilous because of both sides of modern media.
Also, as much as I’d like to agree with Holly’s sentiment about treating women like people…this is one of the first and foremost things that adds to our frustration. We don’t know HOW to approach women as people; as every woman is different. What works for one will not work for the other. One girl may think I’m awesome for coming up, introducing myself, saying hello, telling her she looks nice, having a conversation, getting her number and asking her out. The other will most likely think that I’m a creep for following the same order. The third will think that I’m some lame loser unless I roll up in my Lamborghini Diablo, rip my shirt off and show her my Mr. Universe physique and spit my best game at her. Also, more than likely that approach gets us immediately tossed into the dreaded cesspool known as the “friend zone,” which is what LIFE has taught us is not where we want to be when it comes to women that we’re deeply attracted to. I speak as a prisoner there, with tons of girls as the prison guards and warden.
No disrespect, but it’s tough for us, too. Especially if we’ve never had any experience or guidance in dealing with women. (For example, more often than not, those of us who grew up with older brothers have an advantage over those that didn’t. But that’s a story for another day.)
TL;DR. I think we all just need to go back to simpler days when courtship wasn’t completely convoluted by both sides of the war…like the 1940’s or 50’s. Where/when, “Gosh, ma’am. You look nice, and I’d like to get to know you. How about we meet at the malt shop in the center of town?” was an acceptable and suitable line, moreso than, “Sup, shawty? You tryna ride?”
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Thanks for reading and commenting, Spitfire.
Just to be clear, the point of Holly’s blog is to say that women shouldn’t listen to Cosmo and Oprah and shit like that, and that the girls who don’t follow those media idiots, are the ones who you should spend your time with.
And the girls who are the ones behind all that bullshit you have to deal with, aren’t really “people”, but ignorant fools who shouldn’t be counted as proper society. You need to find a girl from proper society. There are girls who like the chivalry and politeness. You just gotta find them.I’ll use the 80/20 thing again to try to explain here:
The 20% of males who actually appreciate a good woman, and know what they want/need, are supposed to be paired with the 20% of women you will appreciate those men and also know what they want. Not that it works out that way.
Also, there are different groups of 80/20. There’s the 80/20 of omegas to alphas and there’s the 80/20 of crap men/not crap men, but those are NOT the same. Usually omegas are not crap, and the alphas actually are. Even though they’re getting laid, they may not be happy, and they’re not getting permanent relationships. Which, is kinda the whole point of dating, in my mind – finding your partner for forever happiness.And, for the record, if someone came up to me and said “Sup, shawty? You tryna ride?” I might slap them, in hopes of maybe fixing their improper manners and speech. Cuz that’s just dumb. Yet men do it. Sigh.
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