2014

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Nutrisystem: Day 5

June 29, 2014 in Mindpieces | Permalink

Today’s menu included:
– harvest nut bar
– Energy Shake
– spicy Kung Pao noodles
– Craving Shake
– Thick Crust Pizza and veggies

The bar was decent.

Noodles were spicy as promised but nothing crazy. Though not all the liquid was absorbed by the noodles so I had to drink it.

Pizza was about the same as yesterday’s, just rectangular instead of round.

Went to the gym after D&D and then grocery shopping for more veggies.

Around 1000 calories for the day. That should offset my transgression last night.

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Nutrisystem: Day 4

June 29, 2014 in Mindpieces | Permalink

Today’s menu included:
– Chewy Chocolate Chip Granola bar
– Energy Shake
– Loaded Baked Potato meal and salad
– Craving Shake and veggies
– Thick Crust Pizza and veggies

The granola bar was definitely chewy as listed.

The baked potato was actually really tasty. I’ll be ordering it next month for sure.

The pizza was about a 5″ diameter. Was kinda fun to put together though. And tasted good. But not filling at all.

My friend’s birthday party was that night so that was a hard time. But I didn’t drink alcohol or soda. Just water. However, I was starving around 10pm and ordered a whole wheat chicken quesadilla. It was huge and I felt awful after eating it. But full.

I was hanging out with Keith all night at the party and at the end we talked awhile about heavier stuff. He told me that it’s unreasonable to just completely change my eating habits overnight. It’ll take time. And that beating myself up about eating something when I’m starving is silly. I’ll get better over time at this diet thing. It takes a level of willpower that I just don’t have yet.

I will try to hit the gym again on Sunday though.

I ended the day with 950 on-diet calories. And a mystery amount from the whole wheat quesadilla.

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Nutrisystem: Day 3

June 28, 2014 in Mindpieces | Permalink

Today’s menu included:
– Cinnamon Bun Bar
– Energy Shake
– White Bean Chicken Chili and a salad
– Craving Shake and veggies
– Chicken Alfredo and veggies

The cinnamon bun bar was pretty tasty, but a little oddly textured. Probably from the extra fiber and protein and stuff they add.

I got my new shaker bottle this morning, so now I have one small one for the shakes and the large one for water at work.

The chili was spicier than I’d like. So I had to have some almond milk to offset it.

I stayed late at work to preemptively make up some of the hours I’ll miss next week while I’m working at the summer camp.

Then went to the gym again to do some uphill walking on the treadmill.

The chicken alfredo was pretty good. It was a grayish color though. But alfredo is rarely an appetizing color, I’ve learned.

Ending the day around 1300 calories.

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Nutrisystem: Day 2

June 27, 2014 in Mindpieces | Permalink

Today’s menu includes:
– Blueberry Muffin
– Energy Shake
– Cheese Tortellini
– Craving Shake
– Chicken Alfredo

The muffin seemed slightly larger today. But very sticky. And it had maybe 4 blueberries in it.

The cheese tortellini was about the size of a Chef Boyardee container but much tastier.

I brought sugar snap peas, mushrooms, and cucumber slices with dip for my veggie snack. And a small spinach salad to go with lunch.

I had every intention of eating the Chicken Alfredo for dinner but I had a bad experience at the doctor tonight and then went to see Wolfe. Talked about my problems a bit with him then went to Red Robin from there. BUT. I got a burger with a whole grain bun, no mayo, and broccoli instead of fries, which only puts me 400 calories over for the day. Not terrible. I do feel very full and satisfied though and pretty guilty for going off diet already. But I made good choices and I’ve been craving a burger all week. Also, I feel very heavy after eating that so I won’t be doing that again for awhile. Already, my body is adjusting to the new food intake so I can tell that going off diet will just make me feel crummy. But now I know first hand. At least we did walk the mall a bit so that was some exercise.

I will do better tomorrow.

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Nutrisystem: Day 1

June 25, 2014 in Mindpieces | Permalink

I’ve gained a lot of weight in the last couple years. So much that I am now 50 pounds overweight. In order to take control of my weight and my life, I’ve started Nutrisystem. Today is Day 1 of the program and of my Fast5, the first week jumpstart to lose up to 5 pounds in 7 days.

Today’s menu includes:
– Cinnamon Streusel Muffin
– Energy Shake
– Three Cheese Chicken
– Craving Shake
– Chicken Pot Pie

I added a Greek yogurt for breakfast because the muffin was so tiny, and I’m allowed 3 “powerfuels” a day, which includes yogurt. Though I’m unsure if I’m allowed yogurt during the Fast5, so I’ll try to be better about that.

The Energy shake is pretty decent. Better than some protein shakes I’ve had. It does have a tangy aftertaste though.

The Three Cheese Chicken was basically like a Cup of Soup meal. But it wasn’t bad.

I brought a Green Giant pack of frozen vegetables in light sauce for 3 of my 4 veggie servings for the day.

The Craving shake is smoother than the Energy shake. And doesn’t have the aftertaste.

I then did 30 minutes of walk/jog/running on the treadmill at the gym.

The Chicken Pot Pie was pretty tasty.

I also went to the store after the gym today and bought a bunch of healthy stuff. So I then had sugar snap peas, mushrooms, and sliced cucumbers with Greek yogurt veggie dip as my 4th vegetable of the day, and possibly 5th or 6th.

Ending the day at about 1300 calories. Over the program amount, but much less than my normal intake and mostly in healthy stuff. Also I’ve already had about 10 servings of water today.

Hooray!

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Bipolar is a Cruel Mistress

May 15, 2014 in Mindpieces | Permalink

Because some days I feel like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwTqjDhxYq0

And then the day even ends in the same way. Sigh.

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Broken Inside

May 13, 2014 in Mindpieces | Permalink

I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I feel broken inside. Dead. Something snapped a few weeks ago and nothing has fixed it yet. I don’t know what to do about it.

I no longer have zest for life. No fervor. No passion. My hobbies don’t fulfill me the way they should. And my social engagements aren’t as happy and fulfilling as I would like them to be. Because I can’t feel anything positive. All I feel is pain. Anger. Irritation. Apathy. Depression.

I just want to curl up and cry most days now.

I’ve been emotionally distant from everyone, though trying to hide it. I’ve lost my love for everything – activities, things, people, …myself. It’s not fair to Spike. It’s not fair to me. It’s not fair to others who love me or are just starting to love me.

I need to find happiness. I need to rediscover myself and my love for life. I need another vacation. I need to figure this out.

I just want to love again.

…

…

…

But… How?

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